Thank you for the things you have taught me for which I am now grateful. I have gone from being overwhelmed by it to living with it. In order to achieve this I took back control by accepting full ownership, recognising self-defeating patterns in my thinking, monitoring and halting my negative self-talk, realising that fear did not stop you from functioning. Instead of saying I should have done better, now say I gave it my best shot. Instead of saying Oh no! Another disaster! This is too much! I cannot cope”. Now I say “Hmm…how can I fix this? Where am I stuck?”
You taught me not to give you money – not even $10; To be security conscious; Not to leave cheque books, money-cards and other items that can be converted to cash within your reach; To open groceries as soon as I could so that they couldn’t be taken back for refund; That the house was never secure – you always found a way in; To ring the Police when threatened; Not to believe in everything you say because you were under another influence; That things had to get worse before they got better and crises brought about change in you.
You showed me where I was wrong and now I see things differently.
You made me recognise that anger only stood in my way and to be mindful of my thoughts.
You gave me a greater acceptance of others and not to be prejudiced or prejudge others.
You strengthened my will.
Instead of insomnia and worry you made me change to meditation and prayer.
When you were gone I learnt to trust that everything will be alright, to live in the now.
With my pain I was motivated to transform it.
With my self-pity I learnt self-worth
I learnt from you not to resist but to instigate positive change.
From palpitations you taught me to slow down.
From my sense of loss you gave me an ability to let go.
From my depression you gave me awareness that I have a choice.
From suffering you took me to greater compassion.
From my lovelessness you taught me how to love in the right way.
From urgency you taught me the art of being patient.
From your chaos I learnt what direction to take.
From self-centredness you taught me self-awareness.
From a sense of abandonment I found a sense of trust.
From all the unrest you taught me how to find peace.
From negativity you helped me find a new perception
You have taken me from my lack of focus to making a commitment.
You have taken me from my indecision to making resolution.
You brought equilibrium to my high and low expectation.
You brought equilibrium to my empathy and antipathy
You took me from terror to knowledge that I could survive and do anything.
These are some of the wonderful gifts that wouldn’t have come my way if it wasn’t for you. Through the suffering I was forced to face the fears. The opportunity and motivation to change the way I lived. I have stopped negating, apologising for, comparing and putting down myself and others. I have stopped blaming luck, God, fate or others. I think that we are complementary and came together by design rather than fate. I would rather you had let me lull through life without a worry but you wouldn’t let me. You started out being the villain but now you have become my hero.
Your truly grateful, loving co-dependent.